The fear of all fears to face.

Face a fear is on my bucket list. In fact, it's been on that list since the beginning, years and years ago. From earlier conversations, I discovered I could use scuba diving as a double cross off and kick off face a fear all in one experience. 

But today it hit me clearer than it ever has. 

What if my fear is loss?

How do I face that?

I'm talking loss in multiple forms, not just death or abandonment. 

Loss of self. 

Loss of passion. 

Loss of love.

Loss of depth. 

Loss of meaning. 

 

Loss of something you've never even had before. 

What?

Yeah, how the hell do I face that fear?

Nah, I do want to face a tangible fear, like swim with sharks maybe, or jump off a cliff into a large body of water. Something like that would be a priceless fear to face and an amazing, exhilarating invincibility would surely come of it. 

But regardless. There are pieces of my soul that must try and face the fear of loss, and that is a terrifying thing. It's like an I-can't-take-in-enough-oxygen-to-sustain-my-life kind of thing. A panic. No, I can't lose this!

Well, deep breath. My answer to this is to love anyway. Breathe anyway. Take risks anyway. Be alive. That's how I will face this fear. Sit by the ocean, breathe deeply with my eyes closed, arms out, and live through the waves. 

Yeah, that's it.