Move Along

Even when your hope is gone, move along.

This song came on at just the opportune time today.  I don't even entirely prefer The-All-American-Rejects in general unless I'm in the mood for their music, but some of the lyrics in this song selectively were immediately and intuitively correct to my current emotions upon coming into this shop considering the current circumstances.

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

I want to hold your hands.
I don't want to be lost in a night where my life ends.
I choose to hold your hands, my own hands even, and live my life. Even when my hope is gone, I will move along.


I do me.

And thank God I do, because otherwise I don't know where I would be.

Worth it all.

It's amazing what hapens when I start singing more. laughing more, loving more, and connecting with people despite any outside forces or circumstances. I do me. I have never felt more at peace, empowered, and home than when I am embracing me and doing exactly what my heart desires and exactly what makes me me. Whatever that may mean.

I feel like I've been made stronger and more comfortable in my own skin than I have ever been before. Now, being 27 years old, almost 28, I have been through enough life and shit and beautiful things and hardships to know what I want in life, even though I also know that my thoughts may change in the future, morphing and evolving as life always does.

I've just gained perspective. I'm thankful for this perspective, too.  I am better for it. Comparing me now to me in the past allows me to see how far I've come in my journey toward loving myself. And I do love myself. I've always liked myself, but now I am really happy to be able to truthfully say I love myself and I am worth it all.

Love is all you need.

In the midst of the overwhelming pain, anguish, and depression we all feel on behalf of the amazing Marshall G. McBride this week, I have decided to pledge to be a better friend, a bigger support, and a louder encourager to every person, a support of every person's path I cross, and to every person I love.

I also think I need to list the people I love who I know love me. For whenever I may get low, sad, depressed, or feeling like I'm stuck in darkness and am unloved.  I can have these amazing peoples names written to never forget that I am loved deeply, and to always remember that I am not alone.

Dad, Mom, and Cirby.
Marissa, Nick, and Alex.
All 3 sets of grandparents, all cousins and extended family.
Chad Davis Renee Bowman
Caitlyn Clyne
Daniel Clyne
and Ollie
Mr. Barry
Miss Terry
The entire Condon/Clyne family
Colby Dyck Moulaison
Kim Dyck Moulaison
And their entire family
The Lemons, Wheelers, and Arnholds
Mary Wheeler and family
Jesikah Sundin and family
Jessica Jett and family
Alex "Mad Hatter" Silveira-Sheehan
Dustin Willets and choir
Victoria Lord
Zachary Hughes
Matthew Forbes
Kat Miller
Dylon Lane Madison
Heidi and Curt Palmer and family
April Wosser
Sarah Johnson Schwab
Rob Hahnel
Howie Welsh
Casey Benjamin Zangari
Mike Machado
Caleigh Mayer
Zach Saunders
Paden Moreno
Brittnee Leen
Jenny Honrud
and the rest of the Honrud family
Nancy Almassy
Paul Walston
Michael Lykins
The Lykins family
Elizabeth Pree
Jeffrey Moonbeam
Django Bohren
Katharine Kipp
Chris Ormerod
Sarah Kate Kunkel
Dorothy Childsweber
Joe Chavira
Rich Olson
The Pima crew
James Bauckman

This list is ever growing.  I am so blessed.

Small things.

I always talk about how I find happiness in the small things.  But lately I have learned exactly how small, and unrecognized, they really are sometimes. Especially to most people.  Throughout my journey on this earth I realize more and more that one of my sole purposes in life is to bask in these small little happinesses, and to share them with someone who loves them just as much as I do.

I find the significance in these insignificant moments.

Washing my face before bed.
Smelling fresh lavender buds or drinking them in my tea.
Closing my eyes to the wild waves of the ocean, hearing all the stories it tells and the secret beauty it holds.
When a dog kisses your nose.
Giving my toes something warm to sleep in.
The beats and lyrics from beautiful souls in my life who write their music like it was meant for me.
Comforting fleece blankets.
The sound of the harmonica.
Soft pretzels.
Connecting with a stranger.
Exploring a new area of your life.
Video games and stories that make your soul feel warm.
The way it feels to have the spaces between your fingers fit perfectly in the spaces between someone else's.
Sitting on a tall watch tower bench looking out into the horizon of the bay in the dark.
Painted nails.
Singing to your favorite songs and quoting your favorite movies.
Epsom salt baths.
Crossing adventures off the bucket list.
A rich, red, earthy glass of wine to sip on.
Fluffy pillows.
The smell of books, leather, whiskey, and rain.
Laughter.
Loving people.
Learning something new.
The comfort only an amazing anime can bring.
The sound of a familiar text tone that brings back memories of another time.


I love it all.  And the list keeps getting longer, deeper, and simpler, filling more and more with all the small things that make it worth living.