the tears still fall.

And I see them in everyone else's eyes too.

I sometimes wonder which things in life are tests. Or maybe they all are. I know that we're not just living here for nothing. I know we're not just "set loose" with no purpose or no reason. There is always purpose. There is always reason.

Believing in that usually gives me an extreme, overwhelming comfort, even among all the anxiety that seems to be suffocating me through and through.

I'm going to withdraw from my college class. Jay told me not to drop out and not to be like him and do what he did, but I don't look at it as dropping out. I almost have no choice. I look at my options, and see. It all points towards withdrawing.

My life is honestly just too much to handle right now...

guardian angel.

The sun is bright and warm but it doesn't shine for me anymore. The wind blows through my hair but brings me no ease, just tension and anxiety that I seem to get from everything else in my life.

My best motivation, my best sunshine, my best hug, is gone.

My baby, my buddy, my sweet child of innocence, is gone.

He taught me everything and expected nothing. He would laugh and not want anything in return. He would smile when the world threw its worst at him.

I followed in his footsteps.

Sebastian C.E. Ward.
is my guardian angel.

His death will never make his memories fade. Or the lessons he taught me.
They will always be here. In the sun, in the rain, in the tears, in the laughter, in the dreams and the hopes of every person out there showing the world who they are and embracing the diversity.

He embraced his diversity. He captured the hearts of people by being himself.
A lot of people would see what he was incapable of. But I only saw his significance. His life. His precious meaning. His heart.

I will never allow him to become belittled, forgotten, or judged.
Because he is the reason for who I am today.
And if it weren't for him, I would not know of the small, good things in life that make it worth living.

He is my guardian angel.