A mutuality to long for

And this is when reality sets in.  That no life or love or situation can ever be as solid as you hope it to be.

I understood that to begin with, honestly. But when everything points that way for the good beginning portion of what's being built, just to have the solid faith be shaken so much so fast is crippling to that joy.

It changes my day-to-day peace.   My hope along the way is to not become resentful.

The main question that runs through my mind all too often now is, what did I ever do to be so unworthy of the truth, no matter how big or small?

I think I've done my part.  Communicated what's important to me and how I want to live, what my relationship and life policies are.  When it's honored by words and not action, I get so sad.  Because it's so unexpected and stings deep.

These values I hold dear to me are values I've always wanted to share mutually with someone.
Maybe someday..

For Drew

The world is a smaller, emptier, dimmer place without you Andrew Davis.

Not everybody who walks this earth makes such a significant and lasting mark on the souls they meet. But you surely and inescapably did.

Whether someone had briefly met you, had been friends with you like I had, or had been one of your closest friends or family members... we all know, you were something special, and unlike anyone.

These words are as much for me as they are for you and everyone else. You've affected all of us with the beauty of your life, and now with your passing there is a chasm in our hearts that will never again be filled. Because you filled that with your laughter, your good heart and solid ground of what it means to truly LIVE LIFE and be a great man.  

We miss you.

I'll never, ever forget the significant memories you've given me in our 10 years of friendship.

High school. You brought me out of my shell  freshman year when you made fun of how little I talk. Pointing at me with a skeptical look on your silly face.  "Hannah, you! You don't say much do you. " 

You shared your confidence and strong spirit with me. 

And then after high school, through the working years and many memories of summers filled with bonfires and guns and trucks and great music and beer. Memories of day drinking on Memorial Day. Lotsssss of chips and salsa at Chihuahua's. Endless roaring laughter on the couch, making fun of everything and nothing. Funny facebook chats that would make me roll over laughing. Late night pita pit after a night out at Bellingham bar and grill with a constant flow of sarcastic comments on how much you dislike downtown and love Ferndale. 

But, the best was when you finally gave in and told me I was one of the only girls to hang around you who could keep up with your witty sarcasm. We had a long line of sassy remarks and comebacks going back and forth and you never missed a beat. I remember one time I got the last word in. Believe it or not! "Hannah! Ouch! You're good!"

I think you're the reason my friends can't take me seriously sometimes.

I believe that's one of the greatest lessons you taught me. Don't take life too seriously. Especially don't take yourself too seriously. It's all about the love and the laughter. 

The last time I saw you, you nearly spilled your beer with your hands up high yelling my name and heading over for a big bear hug. You had a drink in each hand and gave me one of them so I wasn't empty handed. Only you could get me to drink that nasty Busch Light. ;)  

We all as a community and family feel like we are suffocating without your presence. Over time I know the pain will pass, but rest assured... the memories will never pass. Your profound meaning in our lives will last forever.  In the meantime heaven, you better know how truly blessed and lucky you are to have Drew. Because we all sure felt that way when he was here with us. And still now, with you being gone, I still feel blessed to have known you and called you a friend.

Say hello to Travis and Chelsea for us. 

We love you Andrew Davis. Your legacy of life is engrained in our hearts forever.