i saw the world spin beneath you and wanted to make it right.

I don't think I have been crushed like this in a while.

and whats weird is... nothing bad really happened. its that feeling like you want what you can't have. and the only reason I can't have it is because of what other people have done to us.

I wish I could just pour out my whole heart to him. but I can't. I have way more respect for his feelings than that. and I don't want to impose any obligations on him or make him feel that he has to fix me. cause he doesn't. honeslty, just a two second conversation with him makes me happy. if that doesnt say something than what does?

I can't stand sitting here remembering how easy it is to talk to him. how easy it is to just let my heart go. how easy it is to see myself with him. I can't stand sitting here remembering that, knowing that its something I can't have right now.

I don't expect for it to happen right now. in fact, its best that it doesn't. for both of us. neither one of us wants to get hurt. both of us have had our hearts ripped out. not pursuing anything is the right choice.

but what hurts me the most about this is that I feel like we can't talk, hang out, or anything else without a fear of commitment and so we end up pushing each other away. I feel that it brings us down. when we could be having the time of our lives. enjoying life. living it how we love it.

I can't shake how I feel when I'm with him.

I sound like a fool. and if he were to read this right now.. I honestly don't know what he would think.

what I want more than anything right now is to just be happy with him. romantic or not, friends or not, I just want to be able to have a night like that night and just forget about the world. smiling, laughing, and talking.

he's genuine. that doesn't come around every day. I want to be the one who can make him believe again.

I don't want this wall anymore. its blocking even our friendship.

I just want everything to be okay.