The rescue.

Seeing as how I haven't written since July.. I obviously have some serious catching up to do.

Although, what all is there to say really, about this summer? Other than I have been completely happy, despite the apparent struggles.

I have been through a whirlwind. A literal whirlwind. I began living in a world where leaving my job was my only choice. Where water became my gateway to life itself and where even hugs hurt. Where hospital and doctor visits became routine. Where needles and blood were two things I saw a lot. Where sleeping was my only relief. Where I couldn't make it through the day without someone there with me. My heroes.

Basically my days consisted of resting, abdominal pain, and doctor visits. Trying to find something to eat without causing more pain and drinking water bottle after water bottle to stay hydrated. Sadly, I lost friends along the way, having almost nothing to do with what I was going through. If it wasn't for God and my family, I would've been utterly alone. But I can honestly say now that I am happier. Happier than I was with the people who told me they were my friends. I'll admit that it's sad to lose friends, but they weren't my friends in the first place. They may have tried. But if thats how they're going to let it end, then I have really no loss.

I have learned through all of this that the people who stick it out with you through the thick and thin, even when you're in a bad mood, are the only people in this world worth having in your life. If somebody wants to ruin a friendship over nothing, that is their choice, and seeing how I'm happier.. it only makes me even more sure that I'm making the right decision not to fight for them. I pray alot about it. God wants you to fight for things, but He also wants you to surround yourself with people who can lift you up, not bring you down, and even if it may be a small select few.. its worth it. And so far it has been.

Now, I'm stable.
I'm breathing with no pain, I'm eating with no pain, and I'm slowly getting my energy levels back. No more pain meds, thankfully. And now on my way to the next few steps in my life.

College, finally, thank God.
and knee rehabilitation.
Which will hopefully, as of tomorrow, bring answers to the years of questions.

It has been so tough being so sick. Sucked leaving my job. Sucked never being able to work out. Sucked fighting with friends when I barely had enough energy to get up out of bed to use the bathroom. Sucked being tired and hungry and worried. Sucked having so much on my mind, so many demons to work out.

Some I have worked out already. Some I haven't. Its hard, memories. Living in the past is something I have never subjected to doing. And I don't believe it is what I'm doing now. What's happening now is that some of the pain that was caused in high school hasn't left my heart. And maybe it never will. And that's okay. What's not okay is to let it get in the way of some of the daily, happy things, merely because something that is associated with that pain is brought to the surface. I can't completely erase it. No one can. But what I can do is distance myself from unneeded associations, and cut them from my life. Not only that, but rise above it. Which is what I am praying God will help me do, and help me to let him help me.

I have to know this. I am done with high school. And high school is freaking done with me. I am at a new stage in my life and no one can touch it. Its mine. And everyone else trying to pull me down can just kiss my butt and walk on. Cause I am walking on.

I have awakened with new opportunities and realizations. I am stronger than ever in my faith. Stronger than ever in the relationships that truly matter in my life. Stronger than ever IN MYSELF.

If there is one thing you can learn in life, learn this.

God will be the only one to truly rescue you from life.

God is the only one who has ever been so truly faithful to me. He is really the one to trust.

Its hard for me to see certain people in my life struggling with that. Making the wrong decisions for their life and letting it hurt the people in it.

All I can do is pray for them, and be thankful for what God has given me. That is all I can do. I'm thankful for my parents who have taught me right from wrong. Thankful for my siblings, and for my opportunity to teach them the same. I just don't know what I'd do without them.

Needless to say..
I've been rescued.